Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Proof That the Universe Will Never End

So here's my theory. You know how the idea of how God and Heaven works is based on medieval life (king, servants, kingdom, Lord, Pearly Gates, and all that kind of language) that was projected onto the divine? If not, it was, so keep reading. Anyway, since those ideas were formed during medieval times, and now that we are long past those days, we need to change our thinking of how God and Heaven and everything else works. The model that we should now use is (drum roll, please!) ... the Federal Government!

Now if that's the case, then it can easily be reasoned that the end times which people have wasted their days predicting for so long (Great Disappointment, anyone?) will never happen. How is that? It's simple, really.


I've been working in my current position for just shy of a year now. I'm about to move (internally) to a new position. One would think that all that would be needed is for the powers that be to take the information that is already on file and move it to the department where I will be working. Piece of cake, right? Wrong.

I just finished printing about 50 pages of applications, instructions, direct deposit forms, and other miscellanea, most of which I filled out a year ago when I took my current job and is now gathering dust in a file cabinet in Human Resources somewhere! But no, to get anything done in the government, there is a mountain of paperwork to be filled out and hand delivered (because to mail it is to kiss it goodbye).

So, going back to my first point, if God and all that is holy can be thought of in terms of Federal Government, rather than a medieval monarchy, then the universe will never come to a close. There's simply too much paperwork to fill out before the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse ride!

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