Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Time Wasters

I just found this online while looking for ideas for polymer clay sculpting. Oh, yeah, forgot to mention that. In addition to the BIG news, I'm teaching a clay sculpting class at a local craft store. Aye, I got bored one day and decided, "Why not?" It won't bring in much in the way of coinage, but it'll keep me out of One Ring's hair during the latter stages of her pregnancy. She's appreciative of that small favor. Anyway, the following meme was posted on Ametista's blog.

If I were a month, I'd be late October.
If I were a day, I’d be Saturday.
If I were a time of day, I'd be just after midnight.
If I were a font, I'd be visitation.
If I were a sea animal, I'd be a Giant Squid.
If I were a direction, I’d be North.
If I were a piece of furniture, I'd be a an armoire.
If I were a liquid, I’d be coffee.
If I were a gemstone, I'd be a blue topaz.
If I were a tree, I'd be an maple.
If I were a tool, I’d be a Swiss Army Knife.
If I were a flower, I'd be a snapdragon.
If I were an element of weather, I'd be a nor'easter.
If I were a musical instrument, I'd be my guitar.
If I were a color, I’d be grey.
if i were an emotion, I’d be serenity.
If I were a fruit, I'd be a McIntosh apple.
If I were a sound, I’d be the waves on the ocean.
If I were an element, I’d be water.
If I were a car, I'd transform into a schooner. It's my list, ya lubber!
If I were a food, I'd be sushi.
If I were a place, I’d be the Caribbean.
If I were material, I'd be cotton!
If i were a taste, I’d be sweet with a slightly bitter aftertaste.
If I were a scent, I’d be an ocean breeze.
If I were a body part, I’d be the brain.
If I were a song, I'd be "This is Halloween" by Danny Elfman.
If I were a bird, I'd be a Raven.
If I were a gift, I’d be the one that changes your life.
If I were a city, I'd be London, England.
If I were a door, I’d have squeaky hinges.
If I were a pair of shoes, I'd be a well worn pair of pirate boots.
If I were a poem, I'd be "The Raven" by Edgar Allen Poe

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We're Having a Boy!!!

One Ring and I went to the doctor yesterday for the third ultrasound. It's official - the little swab is a boy! This kinda caught us off guard; people have been saying for weeks, if not months, that we were having a girl, based on everything from "psychic intuition" to old wives tales / techniques to a Chinese birth calendar! But the pictures clearly show boy parts, which goes to show you how reliable all those other divination ways are! Yep, a future pirate captain is on deck and ready to take command!

We're elated of course, and are now racing around shopping to prepare a cabin worthy of a son of the Pirate Chaplain. I even bought his first onesie today:

We're aiming at striking fear at the day care, savvy?

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll be at the f0c'sle ... hyperventilating!

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Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Looking Good, Big Guy!

In distinctly un-piratey news (unless someone steals the movie, that is), Legendary Studios released some information yesterday about the new Godzilla movie. It's due out in 2012, and while that's still a long way off, it looks like everything is heading in the right direction. Maybe now all the G-fans of the world can forget about that 1998 Matthew Broderick train wreck! By the way, if you ever want to see Toho's "revenge" for that mess, check out Godzilla: Final Wars. The "real" G puts it down in about 10 seconds of film time! The American G ends up somewhere in this exposion:

With that little bit of business out of the way, we can all safely look forward to 2012 ... unless the Mayans (or rather the nutjobs who did a really lousy job of interpreting the Mayan calendar!) are right!

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Monday, July 26, 2010

12 Days Later ...

... after my last promise to blog more, here I am. Not a good track record, not by a shot with a long 9. But, never let it be said that a pirate is on time with anything! I sail with the tide, but that's about the only thing I manage to do by the clock. Feel free to add some more nautical themed statements excusing tardiness if you like, because I need to move on and get to:


Which, of course, I have modified where appropriate to fit the inside of my own warped psyche.

1: In Ten Words or Less, Describe Your Blog:

Whatever the heck I want to talk about today.

2: During What Cinematic Era Where you Born?
A: The Classic Horror Era (late 30's to 40's)
B: The Atomic Monster/Nuclear Angst Era (the late 40's through 50's)
C: The Psycho Era ( Early 60's)
D: The Rosemary's Baby Era (Mid to Late 60's)
E: The Exorcism Era (Early to mid 70's)
F: The Halloween Era (Late 70's to Early 80's)
G: The Slasher Era (Mid to late 80's)
H: The Self Referential/Post Modern Era (1990 to 1999)

I was born during the exorcism era, which had more of an impact on my parents than on me, in that it inspired all that "Satan is after our children!" fear of the 80s. I credit this for convincing my mother to repeatedly attack and destroy my Dungeons and Dragons books, my heavy metal cassette tapes, and comic books. Thanks Exorcism era!

3: The Carrie Compatibility Question:
(gay men and straight women - make your choice from section A)
A: Billy Nolan or Tommy Ross, who would you take to the prom?
(straight guys and lesbians - make your choice from section B)
B: Sue Snell or Chris Hargensen, who would you take to the prom?

Probably Sue Snell, although I had a really rough time in high school with dates. As a result, I probably wouldn't go to the prom at all, let alone with Sue! On the positive side, I'd end up living through the evening! Of course, being that she ends up somewhat crazy, I probably would have ended up dating her after prom. Yeah, I had that kind of track record.

4: You have been given an ungodly amount of money, and total control of a major motion picture studio - what would your dream movie project be?

I would make a Cthulhu movie that was actually good, and I would do it by actually sticking to the story, instead of tossing a few of Lovecraft's ideas into a blender and naming the film after a story that has nothing to do with the subject matter - I'm talking to you, Cthulhu! And you, Dagon! (Both of which had more "Shadow of Innsmouth" than Call of Cthulhu and Dagon, respectively).

5: What film "franchise" that others have embraced, left you cold?

The Alien / Predator franchises. The first Predator movie was good, the second was even better (Gary Busey getting cut in two earned bonus points). Alien was good, Aliens was excellent. But Alien 3, Alien: Resurrection, AVP and AVP: Requiem were all lousy. I haven't even seen Predators. I think the whole series jumped the shark a long time ago.

6: Is Michael Bay the Antichrist?

Absolutely. He should be stuck on an island with Uwe Boll.

7: Dracula, The Wolf Man, The Frankenstein Monster - which one of these classic villains scares you, and why?

Dracula. He's the only intelligent one of the bunch. Which means that dude can come after you in ways you can't imagine. None of that sparkly teen angst crap with this guy! He wants your blood and he's going to work every angle to get it!

8: Tell me about a scene from a NON HORROR Film that scares the crap out of you:

There's a part in Enemy of the State where you realize just how little privacy you have and how much of your life the government can destroy if they wanted to. Even though there's a "happy" ending to the film, there's still this feeling of dread. The fact that it was pre - Patriot Act makes it even more terrifying.

9: Baby Jane Hudson invites you over to her house for lunch. What do you bring?

Uhm, my own lunch? The woman serves a dead parakeet to her sister, for crying out loud!

10: So, between you and me, do you have any ulterior motives for blogging? Come, on you can tell me, it will be our little secret, I won't tell a soul.

I wanted a space to process my own theological ideas and talk about pirates. There was probably a desire to be noticed and get positive attention for my ideas as well.

11: What would you have brought to Rosemary Woodhouse's baby shower?

What do you get the son of Satan who has everything? : )

12: Godzilla vs The Cloverfield Monster, who wins?

Godzilla, hands down. Or paws down. Or whatever. We're talking atmoic breath verses the giant monster version of head lice!

13: If you found out that Rob Zombie was reading your blog, what would you post in hopes that he read it?

STOP DOING REMAKES! There's too many of them as it is.

14: What is your favorite HORROR FILM, and why?

Trick R Treat. I watched it again with friends last night, and loved every minute of it.

15: If blogging technology did not exist, what would you be doing?

Actually doing work, more than likely!

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Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Darn You, Ennui!

I'm at work. I'm bored. The doctor is out of town for two weeks, and today is one of those days that we normally reserve for her appointments and not for group therapy. No doctor = no appointments. So, I have roughly 7 1/2 hours to hang out, make a few mandatory phone calls, and twiddle my thumbs.

There are far worse things in life, I know. But if it's one thing that really manages to drive me around the bend, it's boredom. So now I need to find away to stay under the radar of my other boss and simultaneously maintain my sanity. Yes, I can hear you say, "Well, you've already lost that second battle!" Still, I have to at least go through the motions and ACT like I'm trying to maintain my sanity!

So here's the mid-month blog-a-rama update ...

Even though summer's in full swing, and this pirate's thoughts should be bending towards the Caribbean waters and rum drinks, my brain is actually skipping ahead to Halloween. No idea why, except it possibly could because it is so blasted hot that I feel like I'm about to spontaneously combust whenever I go outside. Humidity has been out of control ever since the floods hit Nashville at the beginning of May, too. And if there's one thing I can't deal with (besides boredom), it's humidity that's thick enough to walk upon. So I've been spending a lot of time indoors. I guess keeping out of the sunlight and in cool, dark rooms must be bringing out my inner goth!

So, pirates (temporarily) out. Wonderfully creepy stuff in. And there you go.

I've recently picked up a gig as a clay sculpting teacher at a local craft store. Polymer clay I mean, not the hard core, slam and turn on a wheel, Demi Moore in Ghost sort of thing. I figure that since the store rotates their stock based on the upcoming seasons and holidays, the next big change will be from summer to Halloween. So I've been looking on the interwebs for ideas to teach. Sadly, though, most of the stuff I'm seeing is all that cutesy stuff - ghosts and witches with big goofy grins, jack o'lanterns that couldn't scare away a spirit (that's what they were originally meant to do) on their best day, and vampires that look like they just stepped off of a Saturday morning cartoon. Sigh. I know that's what I'm going to have to teach, but isn't there something I out there that's sufficiently serious and spooky for my tastes? I did throw together a version of the bride character from the Haunted Mansion at Disney World. I even used glow in the dark clay. Sadly, though, when I baked it, colors in the clay ran in the thinner pieces (the veil, mostly). But it the dark, it looks pretty cool.

See? Isn't she scary?

Purists will note that I used a previous bride as the model. Eventually I'll sculpt one of Constance - the "black widow bride" - but I've always been partial to Emily. She's the bride that was supposedly the victim of a broken heart, although technically she was never a bride at all. She was betrothed to a wealthy newcomer who turned out to be a pirate (see, there's a connection after all!). He bailed on her, or was killed at sea, and she locked herself in the attic after donning her wedding dress. Her ghost haunts the attic, keeping an eternal vigil for the return of her beloved.

Yep, I'm a sucker for tragedy!

I've also come across a sculpture someone did of a raven and am planning on doing one of my own based on this work. I figure that it will either connect to the raven in the Haunted Mansion - the "Ghost Host" - or Edgar Allen Poe. Either is fine with me.

Okay, time to fake working some more. I've also been commissioned to fold 50 origami cranes, and have my guitar lesson today right after work. So I figure I can find enough to keep me occupied today.

More later.

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Thursday, July 1, 2010

Not So Great A Pirate's Life for Some ...

Looks like some lame excuses for pirates ticked off the Feds again. As you may have figured out, based on how the Internet works, several websites started posting video files of new movie and DVD releases. Several websites were closed down, bank assets seized, and companies that advertise on those websites were also hit hard. Here's the story:

Feds crack down on Internet movie pirates, score bust

Of course, the websites and companies involved were all on U.S. soil. It's a lot harder to hit pirate websites that are overseas, or in nations that have less strict laws regarding copyright and intellectual property infringement. The Pirate Bay is still fighting litigation in Sweden, and would have been shut down a couple of years ago, were it not for the Pirate Party (Piratpartiet), a newly formed political party that won 7.13% of the vote in Sweden's parliamentary elections. Apparently, this has gummed up the works for Sweden's attempt to go after The Pirate Bay. Who would have guessed that pirates would go political.

Well, that's the latest from the world of piracy. Not as glamorous as stories of Blackbeard, "Calico" Jack Rackham, and "Black" Sam Bellamy, but I guess that's what we get for being born 300 years to late (to misquote Jimmy Buffet's "A Pirate Looks at 40").

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