Friday, May 29, 2009

In Recovery . . .

. . . from a very painful week-long new employee orientation. Technically I'm not a new employee. In fact, I've been told that I'll be training the new employees in my division next week! But, for this week at least, they consider that my being hired as a full time / with benefits (not to be confused with "friends with benefits" which is an entirely different - and much more enjoyable - thing!) employee requires me to go to orientation.

Our leader in this new type of torture - those of us who sat in the back of the room wondered if this was a replacement for water boarding - seemed to enjoy the sound of his own voice and would put in his personal stories about the hospital and previous places of work every 15 to 20 seconds. So what could be covered in a day and a half (at the most) ended up taking four days. And no, the other speakers weren't any better. Except the guy who was upfront with how unenjoyable orientation was. He got a standing ovation.

The worst part was when the main instructor spoke of the homeless as being a very dangerous patient population (in my experience, they aren't) who - get this - keep razor blades in the bills of their baseball caps! And if that weren't bad enough, he also showed a youtube video depicting a new type of gun that is disguised as a cell phone. He spoke of this gizmo as if it was being seen in the hospital on a daily basis. Fact is, no one has seen it in the United States at all. Ever!

Of course, this is coming from a guy who identified the first permanent settlement in America as being Plymouth, Massachusetts. Jamestown, Virginia was settled a full thirteen years prior and was never abandoned. In fact, the pilgrims were trying to make their way to Jamestown, but were blown off course by a hurricane and ended up on the rock.

But it's over. And I'm back in my office trying to figure out what's been done in my absence. Here's to hoping that next week is a whole lot better!

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